By: Bethelhem Teame
How are you?
If my prayers should be heard, favored and answered, then you my dear should be perfectly fine. I said ‘if’ for when I kneel down and close my eyes to say the grace, I see your face and only God knows what I pray…..I truly can’t remember my prayers. How sad I have became?- my conscience scoffs, every morning after the grace.
My heart is beating wildly, my hands are shaking violently. As I sat down to write this….my petition to be released….my whole body is trembling.
Is this fear? I shouldn’t think so. For you are capable of making me feel everything but fear dear boy. But if this is not fear, what is? What is the name of this feeling that is crawling into my heart and seizing my whole senses all at once? Should I just go ahead and break a bottle of champagne and christen it with a name- name the depth and width of the control you have over me? But won’t naming it make it a giant reality among our other realities? Will naming it soil it’s purity? Will it loosen the grip you have over me? Hmmm….
Once too many times I have wanted to say this, but each time my resolute wavering, my walls collapsing, I, gasping, have ended up retreating.
What I am about to do is mainly for me; a chance to be free…yeah that little girl who you knew so well has been embittered through time. She now thinks and dreams of freedom too- and is seeking a way out of the prisons of your charms.
Enough is enough. Why must I live prisoner of your charms for my whole life? An eager submissive to your magical touch? The shackles are heavier each time, however I wear them as ornaments around my hands.
When you go about your life, I wait patiently for your return, sitting on the corner of my darkened room, nurturing my broken heart and bruised pride. I am stuck and can’t go forward or back. I am stuck in the timeframe and world we created once. But you have broken through this and have gone far- yet you wouldn’t set me free and left me a prisoner behind- how cruel you have become?
Your wish has become my command and my whole existence has come to mean your love. But my whole existence shouldn’t be about love…. If so then my life is sad, my whole existence a Shakespearean tragedy and act.
I wasn’t such a woman, my wild heart couldn’t be tamed by a man. But here I am now, bowing down for your love.
What you do to me….remains a mystery to my heart. I am breaking all the rules and principles I hold so dear in life. I am a different person now…I can barely recognize myself or who I have become. Who is this woman staring back at me from the mirror?
I am summoning all the semblance of senses that can stand against you this time, to submit a petition to release me at last. I can’t do it face to face for I can’t trust myself with you to have this job done. Your inquisitive eyes would search my eyes as they pinned me where I stand. Your enigmatic smile would crash all the fortress I build to stand….a flame would ignite and start to roar like a rapid fire and burn me down, my knees would betray their promise and I would submit as usual. So I am choosing to write…Release me this instance.
In this entreaty joins my hands
my mind and my will power
But will all these signatures convince my heart to join in when I say this out loud..”Release me this instance!”?
Will you, my dear you, finally find it in your heart to grant me this petition I signed ?