By: Bethelhem Teame
I love you.
I love you. This is the truth and nothing but the truth. If only I could show you the shape of my heart-the heart that has enthroned you a queen in its chambers and has sworn fealty to your dynasty in my life.
If only there were words to express the depth and breadth of my love for you, I would hasten to write sonnets in your honor. I love you, I do. Please believe me when I say I do, for I really do.
I hold him a criminal-whomever has soiled your innocence and trust; turning you into a bitter woman. I charge and sentence the burglar — whomever stole your smile and put instead frown of doubt on your face, my love.
But dear, please don’t make me live to pay for his mistakes and mistrusts. I am willing to settle for just a portion of your heart and vow to work hard to earn the whole nine yards, but don’t make me pay for his betrayal.
Let me heal your wounds and let’s start afresh-you and I. Let me teach you the ABC of love and let’s allow ourselves to fall madly in love.Okay, let’s do all that.
But every time you doubt me and compare me with him in your heart, I am hurt and robbed the chance of proving myself to you and your heart that I meant no harm. I know he has hurt you and has betrayed your trust but stop seeing every man through the binoculars of just one.
If every man you meet from now onwards is to stand in the shadow of the other man, your heart will never again learn to love nor accept someone.I read somewhere that a woman’s heart is a generous in its kind, so if you can only be generous enough to let it heal with time, just this once, you will learn again how to welcome and accommodate others with love and trust.
So my love, please don’t conclude your experience of love with the tragic ending you experienced once. Allow me to glue the shattered pieces of your heart and heal your wounds with the soothing oil of love that springs from my heart. I am here. Close by. Please see me for who I am and not for what he has done or for how you expect me to turn out.
Time and again, I tell you don’t compare me with him. I plea again don’t make me pay for his mistakes. Don’t hold me, or any other man, for that matter, accountable for his mistakes and the sins he committed against your trusting heart. Don’t treat me a sinner just because he was found one. Don’t hold me guilty for the sins he has committed and I haven’t even yet done.
“All men are brothers…” you say in the company of your loneliness and condemn them to the same fate as that one- in the burning hell of your hatred and distrust, slamming the door of your heart on a second chance and love. But I believe heartaches entail a lesson and strengthen in their wakes, so please open your heart as wide as you can. One day you will look back at this and will smile at life, love and even the memory of that man whom you think now is a son of Belial.
I know in trust you have found treason, he has abused your love and has committed such a sacrilege against your trusting heart, it’s evident in your life. He has scarred your heart and turned you into such a pessimistic person in love. He has robbed you, your belief in love and romance. From now onwards every man you meet will be held in contempt and will live to pay for his mistakes, right? But do you think this is fair on me or any other man?
If you can’t see me for who I really am, if I am just another man in your eyes, if you are going to translate my every move in the vocabulary of your past with him and doubt my every action and decision, then we are not in love, but merely pretending to be in one. I thought love was all about trusting one another and feeding unconditional love in the name of love.
Dearest one, don’t you yet know that you can’t clap with only one hand? The same goes with love, love demands the wheel of will of both hearts to make a progress in its pace forward. If my loving you is going to be rewarded with vain results, then I better stop it right here and now. I am refusing to pay for his mistakes in your life.
Believe me, my love ; I have no intention of causing you any pain or harm. If you are not yet ready to open the gates of your heart, I can’t always be an outsider who is never welcomed inside. It is winter outside, the cold breeze is chilling my bones inside. But I will never be a pessimistic in love just because my heart got crushed and my love couldn’t be fulfilled once. I will raise again just like the phoenix from the ash, it will be summer again in due time. After all not everyone who gives love receives pure love, if this was the case then the world wouldn’t be such a cold and harsh place to live in now.
For the Odyssey has said that love deceives the best of womankind, don’t even for a second think that you are a failure for the mistakes he has done or in any way incriminate your heart for his betrayal. Instead rejoice for experiencing love, betrayal, hate and again love. Don’t you think it is much better to love and lose than not ever have loved; to hurt than not feeling anything at all? The fact that you are hurting confirms you are only human, although in my eyes you are an angel with sad eyes.
Before it is too little too late, before you open your eyes and have destroyed your trust in human kind, before I am long gone and the sun has set in the sky……..wake up, smell the coffee and realize. Don’t make me pay for his mistakes and please judge me for who I am. Who knows if it is the will of the heavens and if our dices are rolled on towards a union…you might be the mother of my children, my other half, my partner, the yin to my yang, my wife.
It has been said that in the end all a man can betray is his conscience, nothing more or less. In truth he didn’t betray your heart but his conscience. But I refuse to pay for his mistakes……
Pic by- Bluechameleon- http://bluechameleon.aminus3.com/image/2009-03-27.html