Can Habeshas Tinder?

Bethelhem TeameYes, Habeshas can Tinder. I am Habesha.  I had Tinder-ed before. Briefly. Once. It’s not a biggie. No rocket science. You install the Tinder Apps, sign in with your Facebook account, lo and behold you are in the game– should we call it a game? I am painfully aware of political correctness these days. After the installation, it solely depends on your taste and mood, you either swipe left or right. It really doesn’t matter as far as judging a book by its cover goes. It’s all about the fancy covers of the books on the shelves. And trust me, there are so many kinds of covers, oh my…. oh my.

  I said it really doesn’t matter because I don’t think any Habesha or majority of those who try out Tinder would stay long enough in Tinder to read the book beyond the fancy cover.  I mean I don’t think there is anyone serious enough about Tinder, Habesha or not. It is fun to try and crazy adventure at other times, but never serious.

Despite my Tinder experience, my prolonged spree of shopping for books every time I visit the Barnes and Noble confirms my theory. Do you know how hard it is to find a book that matches the appearance of its fancy cover?

No, Habeshas won’t Tinder. Are you crazy? We are the most complicated people with misguided definition of pride and the meaning of secrecy. And Tinder, as I have observed is all about simplicity. Habeshas don’t do simple. Period.  We like it when relationships are complicated and full of puzzles. We want to play hide and seek till the end where expressing our feelings and desires are concerned. We live looking over our shoulders for what others might say or not say about our business. We do a lot of neck exercise, left and right. On the other hand, Tinder is all about finger exercise, left and right. You see people, our social and cultural wiring physically hinders us from simplicity of life.

Yes, Habeshas shouldn’t Tinder. Given our way of life and brain wiring, we better stick to our old ways, what we inherited from our ancestors- arranged relationships and marriages.  Our programming can’t download and operate new software and apps like Tinder, however slick our hardware may look.  This is too foreign a concept to us- to date online. We haven’t even mastered the analog dating let alone the digital.

I have this friend who joined the Tinder recently. The first two weeks, he was on cloud nine; swiping left and right, checking all the pictures of the girls in bikini, flirting, dating….. the list goes on. On the third week, he started calling me day and night to complain about his dissatisfaction with the girls from Tinder and Tinder itself. This is what I like about Habesha- we question the existence of something just because it won’t function and operate in our system.  He was questioning everything about Tinder and how the modern times have changed the ways of romance and courtship. He lives in 21st Century but is still a Neanderthal at heart. A Neanderthal who can use the phone and all the new apps. He still wants his women to be coy and coquette, begging never demanding, pursued never pursuing…….

The problem with some Neanderthals is that you can take them out of the cave but you can’t take the cave out of them.

This friend of mine and I need some secrecy between us. I think we share too much details of our lives- so it was not alarming to read about his conversations and screencaps of his conquests. They are all forward and seem to have the upper hand in the conversation. But he is as evasive as they come. Why? I leave it to your imagination why he is so evasive in Tinder? Even to the ones he likes, he isn’t open about his feelings and never makes the first move.  Soon enough, all the women lost interest and swiped right to another smooth talker who can tell them what they want to hear and be the man he is- and that is what Tinder is all about.

No, Habeshas oughtn’t Tinder. I repeat, Habeshas oughtn’t Tinder. No, if you are not ready to market and sell yourself. It all boils down to the gawking consumerism within humans that needs to be filled with image appreciation. So unless you are ready to sell yourself and buy someone else’s image, you ought not do it. I mean, Habeshas don’t market and sell ourselves- culturally and socially. We love to hype ourselves through others’ mouth. We expect and need others to say nice things about us and advertise us. Well, here is the crux of the black spot in the relationship between Tinder and Habesha- there is no button or function in Tinder that allows others and friends to advertise you on your page or site. It’s you and yourself and Tinder. I am sorry to burst your dreamy bubbles. I really am.

When I told a certain friend of mine about me trying out Tinder, he blew a gasket and said Habesha women shouldn’t Tinder.

“Excuse me? What about Habesha men?”

“Errrr….”

Yeah, you better ‘Errrrr…’ Habesha men can’t even survive for too long in Tinder anyway. So by the end of the road it is a zero-sum game. Anchim zero, Eniem zero…. hulachnm zero.

So do you think Habeshas can Tinder? Will they Tinder? Should they? Ought they?

 

Tinder is a matchmaking mobile application that brings together users around the specified geolocation set by the users.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
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