“Delilah!” He called me. Other names finding them too lacking to describe me and my actions.
“Delilah!” He said it again, this time with emphasis and conviction that brooked no argument. I am perfectly aware of what I have done to deserve this name, I am not that shameless to pretend otherwise. I smiled, but each time he referred me to the Delilah in the Bible, I couldn’t help but shrink with self-inflict guilt that is mashed well with his outright accusation. I hated Delilah from the Bible, well not personally her per se, but at least the traitorous deeds of hers. My friend, of course, was overreacting for accusing me of the same sin as Delilah’s, I prefer to think I didn’t go that far as to sell out his Achilles’ heels and get him killed. It was a minor persuasion on my part that made him confess everything he kept secret for the past years I have known him. Some would even congratulate me and consider me for a position at the CIA, but my friend accuses me of the same sin as Delilah’s.
I grew up hating Delilah, condemning her of her betrayal and unfaithfulness. I kept casting the first stone, every time I turned The Bible to the pages of the Judges and read the story of Samson and Delilah.
“Delilah!” He called me one more time.
“Samson!” I shouted back. If we are using the Biblical figures to express the situation at hand, then I want to be fair and call him Samson, the other figure equally participant and responsible in the story of love, secrets and betrayal. That seems to stop him in his tracks. He stopped what he was doing and looked me square in the eyes. I challenged him with an intense and steady look that hinted no surrender to the war which is about to break out.
“Excuse me?” His voice was calculated, determined and carried a hint of dark humor. I usually wave the white flag and go on hiding to the docks when he acts all calm before the storm he unleashes and raise the hurricane. Not today though. Today, I am not placing the blame only on Delilah. What is wrong with Samson? Didn’t he ever hear the saying “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me”? Why did he keep going to her and spill his beans, and mind you here, they were no ordinary beans? Is Delilah really the only person to be blamed in this story? The little experience I had with my friend made me see the story in a whole different shade of light. Why was Samson running to her embrace and allow himself to be persuaded and cajoled into giving his most treasured secret, when clearly he knew she was selling off his secrets, which by the way would get him killed? He must have known her intentions from the beginning, that is why he misinformed her in the first place. Delilah isn’t the only felon here, Samson had already decided to gamble his life and ignore his calling. So why blame only her? Because she is Delilah, a woman?
I was quite satisfied with sharing the blame equally between Samson and Delilah, but could never answer what was wrong with Samson that made him gamble his life time and again. Suicidal? I doubt it.
But lately, I have learned not to blame Samson when I met my own Delilah and experience how easy it is to surrender your willpower at the mere sight of him. Because now I started to live outside the compound of theories and jumped into the moving wagon of the practical world. I know now how easily Samson succumbed to the temptation of falling into Delilah’s embrace and still intrust her even though she is trying to sell him out. I know now how his willpower must have betrayed him and he no longer wanted to fight back but surrender willingly. I know now why Samson kept going to Delilah’s house. I understand why Delilah has to stay Delilah in Samson’s life.
Today I blame no one. I cast no stone. I know how it feels to be in Samson’s position while at the same time I could fit in the shoes of Delilah. But I want to share this with you, if you think you have a Delilah in your life, be it a person, a lover, an addiction, a habit that feeds on your willpower, don’t surrender without a fight. If you must have, change a gear and switch a lane…….there is a power stronger than Samson’s within you, utilize that power to stay on your feet and avoid your Delilah.
Pic: Actors who portray Samson and Delilah
(Photo Credit: Joe Alblas)
(Photo Credit: Joe Alblas)